LoveWithAMission.com - August 2007

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Water - Thursday, August 2nd
As the deer pants for streams of water, so I long for you, O God.
I thirst for God, the living God. When can I come and stand before him?
Psalm 42:1-2

I started thinking about water (no, I don't know why...), and the more I thought about it, the more this verse began to mean... Think about it. Water is the only form of nourishment that we, physically, cannot live without. Name one type of food that can boast that. Without oranges you can have apples, if there were no broccoli you could still eat asparagus, if the chickens would all suddenly die there would still be beef, if there were no chocolate we would all die!! (Just kidding. Sort of.) I think we could even survive without certain food groups. It might not be very healthy, but I believe you could survive without vegetables (I know many young people who do...), I believe you could also survive without milk products (except of course chocolate), and we could also live without bread and rice and potatos and all that. Ok, if you would leave out every type of food you would die after a while from starvation, but I don't believe there is one single food item that we could absolutely not live without (with the exception of chocolate.) Now lets think about drinks. I think you can survive about ten times longer without food than you can without drink. I'm not sure I could survive a day without coffee (at least not without an awfully disturbing headache.) Again, I don't think there is any drink that anyone could absolutely not survive without (other than coffee), EXCEPT for water. Now, someone could argue that they could very well survive on a diet of diet coke, without drinking water, but that would be stupid because when you're drinking diet coke, or any drink at all for that matter, you're drinking water, too. I think that every single drink that we humans drink contains water. Water is absolutely essential to life. We cannot live without it, and neither can any other animal, or plant I believe (or bacteria.) Scientists were extremely excited when they discovered (or did they only think they did?) frozen water on the planet Mars. Why? Because if there is water on Mars, that might mean that once upon a time there were little E.T.s living up there!

Water = life

Now look at this verse:

For my people have done two evil things: They have forsaken me - the fountain of living water. And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns that can hold no water at all!
Jeremiah 2:13

This says that "God = the giver of living water," that means that "God = life giver!" That makes this verse pretty scary. This says that not only have people forsaken God, they've made it impossible for themselves to ever receive true life! That means that when we don't have God, we don't have life. We're basically just dead zombies walking around pretending to be real. But we're not real.

"How terrible it will be for you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs - beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people's bones and all sorts of impurity."
Matthew 23:27

BUT there's hope!

Jesus replied, "If you only knew the gift God has for you and who I am, you would ask me, and I would give you living water."
John 4:10

For us it's impossible to receive life, there's nothing we can do to receive it, no accomplishment or good deed can buy it, but for God all things are possible, even what's impossible for us. And, incredibly, He wants to give us life, even though we don't deserve it, for free! We only have to accept it.

Accountability..?? - Saturday, August 4th
..."we also need to keep ourselves accountable. For instance if we say we're gonna do something, we should do it. That sounds simple enough, but oh, how many times have we found excuses for not reading our Bible, for not spending time with God, for not sharing our faith with others, etc. I haven't been doing too good myself... For example, on this website I've made a whole lot of promises and commitments, and a lot of them I haven't kept... Let's just look at last month: I wanted to find an accountability partner (...), become a member of my church, spend more time with God, read and study the Bible more, spend more time doing worship on my own, share the gospel, start learning Russian, ask God to take me on (an) adventure(s), not have to wear make-up, I wanted to "pursue God with all my heart and soul," consistently work on writing a story, rewrite my song, ... I haven't actually done a single one of these things... So, I'm gonna give myself one month in which, with God's help, I want to accomplish or at least start working on these things, like I said I would. I'll let you know then how it's going. I don't want to be someone who says one thing, then does another. If I do then I'm just a lazy liar."

I wrote this one month ago. I am officially a lazy liar. I've done one single thing on this list, and funnily enough it was the one thing that took the least effort. Why? Why? WHY?? I could blame it on my bad memory (I don't think I could remember half of the things I've written on this website), or I could blame it on not having enough time (I spent two and a half weeks in Texas), but these would just be excuses. There is no true excuse. Soooooo...I'm not gonna give up but keep on going. I'll let you know in another month how it's going.

On another note, I got a card from my dad for my birthday, and, as usual, it also contained several Bible verses. One of them in particular struck me as a verse that could serve as a philosophy for life (though remember that there isn't one simple verse that can make up for not knowing the rest of the Bible.)

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust.
Follow anything that makes you want to do right.
Pursue faith and love and peace,
and enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.
2. Timothy 2:22

Monday, August 6th
I've been accused (in a kindly fashion) that, generally, when I write something here, I'm either whining or preaching. It's funny, I think, and I don't even know why I think that. But it's 100% true! When given half a chance I have a tendency to whine, complain, gripe, and I generally think I know better than other people (though my past should have tought me differently; my "knowing-better" has caused my dignity to fall flat on it's silly little upturned nose more than once when it turned out I didn't actually know any better...) So, this whining, preaching little fool needs to work on her whining and preaching (then maybe the "fool" part will eventually go away, too... Naah, that's unlikely. Maybe I'll work on the "little" part instead... Too bad high heels aren't comfortable though...)

Ok, anyway, today was my first day of work. (Fast food hooray!!) I was really, really nervous today, especially during the last hour or so of my "freedom" before I had to let go of being a civilian and put on the uniform... But I memorized a Bible verse this morning: For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (2. Timothy 1:7) POWER! ...to move on despite my quivering. LOVE! ...for the people I work with to conquer my shyness. SELF-DISCIPLINE! ...to not run away and hide (and wait until Jesus comes again.) Not to say that I wasn't still afraid and timid (I'm a fool after all, and we tend to be cowardly, or stupid, but I prefer cowardly to stupid...), but God is all-mighty and faithful, and he answered my prayers and helped me survive the day. He gave me the power, love, and self-discipline that I needed, and He even helped me not to lose my temper (not once!) God is good!

Wednesday, August 8th
I was sitting by my window, wondering what I should write here, watching the rain, and I remembered a song by Will Smith called Rain. (Wonder what brought that song to mind...) I'm not a huge fan, but there are a few songs from Will Smith that I love (and what's funny is that in all of them you can hear at least one child saying or singing something, like in Wild Wild West, or Rain, or Just The Two Of Us (which is my favorite.)) Here's the last verse from Rain by Will Smith:

Sometimes i sit in my room, stuff on my mind
Stress, can't rest, so i open the blinds
See kids in the streets, runnin' around
It wasn't touchin' 'em, but the rain was comin' down
I wondered how, with my mouth wide
Reminisce of the key, said i wanna go outside
In the rain, to see if the same would happen to me
'bout that time, God started rappin' to me
He said "pain is the mother of change, the rain must flow
So the seeds of joy might grow
Don't be afraid, find shelter in me
The road to greatness, through the valley of adversity"
I felt the light as he proceeded to drop the gem
"These little children, the world we must receive like them"
I just smiled, and thanked him for the cards he delt
And since then, the rain i never felt
What's wit' it

I can't say I agree with it 100%, but there's truth in it. I can be a baby sometimes, moaning and griping about little hurts and bruises, anything from stubbing my toe to feeling far away from God to troubles with the opposite sex to annoying customers at work. But actually, according to the Bible, all these "trials" should bring me joy! "Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." (James 1:2-4) My "trials" can't really be described as trials at all, just minor annoyances, so how much easier should it be for me to live by them than the Christians who are being persecuted for their faith in other countries... And God is so good. He can really fill you with a sense of peace and joy and contentment, like nothing else in this world can.

Saturday, August 11th
I'm sorry I'm a little late with writing... I usually write this rather late at night and sometimes it's so late that I'm too tired to do anything other than crawl into my bed.
Anyway, yesterday I cleaned my room up, and today I re-arranged it, and right now I'm very tired. I don't know why, but for some strange reason I need some kind of change every now and then. And sometimes the only thing that can immediately be changed is the arrangement of the furniture in my room. I can, as of today, claim that every single piece of furniture in my room has been re-located at least once. (Also, except for my very large wardrobe that I can't move by myself, today I moved every single piece of furniture...which is why I'm tired...)
I love my room. There are so many memories, either from things that happened in this room, or items that have histories outside of this room. For instance there's the huge wardrobe that belonged to my dad when he was a boy. Or there's a stuffed animal, a rabbit, that I remember begging and whining for to my mother when we were in a mall in Texas with my grandparents. Or there's a little cork from a "Cafe de Paris" from a special evening with my Jugi. I also love this room because it's a place where I can come and rest. I can let my guard down in here. I don't have to pretend that everything's going just fine. My room's also a place for creativity, where I can sing my heart out, create adventure stories, write passionate music, or dance to Stevie Wonder. My room is also a place where I can come before God. This room is my home. It has been for 20 years now. But it's not a permanent home.
They say "Home is where the heart is." The Bible says that our hearts should be with God. So... 1+1=? If my heart is with God, then that would mean that God is my home. Oh, I love what that could mean in another twenty years! Hopefully my "home" will be full of memories. I hope that in 20 years I'll have hundreds of little (or big) stories to tell, things that God did, experiences I had with Him, gifts He gave me, things He taught me. I hope that in 20 years I'll be able to say that in my "home" I could always let my guard down and be myself, no matter whether I was happy or sad, and that, with God, I could do great exciting things. And all for Him. Oh, I'm excited!

If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling. For he orders his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you with their hands to keep you from striking your foot on a stone. You will trample down lions and poisonous snakes; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
Psalm 91:9-13

Monday, August 13th
I love music from musicals, and one of my favorites is The Prince of Egypt. Here's part of one (absolutely beautiful) song from that movie:

Through Heaven's Eyes
A single thread in a tapestry
Through its color brightly shine
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design

And the stone that sits on the very top
Of the mountains mighty face
Does it think its more important
Than the stones that form the base?

So how can you see what your life is worth
Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life

Look at your life through heavens eyes

Imagine a little ant. He thinks that if he goes off and tries to do his own thing, he'll be noticed more and he'll make a bigger difference to the world. But actually the only way he'll probably ever get noticed is if he crawls up someone's pant leg or if he gets lost in someone's tortilla chips...

The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it.
The world and all it's people belong to him.
Psalm 24:1-2

I think it's interesting that we already belong to God, but He gives us the choice of acknowledging it or not. I think it's a huge testimony of His love for us. And I can trust that when my life's in His hands, even when I don't know what I'm doing and feel completely insignificant, I'm still part of a bigger plan.

Wednesday, August 15th
Ever heard of the phrase "I'm waiting for my life to start"? That's what I've been doing, sort of. I've been waiting for so many things...for me to lose weight (without doing hardly any physical activity of course, and while still gorging myself on my mom's brownies... ;-)), for my hair to grow long, for me to have my own little apartment and a dog (still deciding between a Bernese Mountain Dog, a Pembroke Welsh Corgi and a Papillon), and, of course, for that "Mr. Right" to come along... Sometimes I wonder when I write stuff here, is it too personal? Is someone going to get the wrong idea? Is someone going to get the right idea? But I'm not trying to send signals to anyone. It's just a sad little fact that I've been waiting for that Mr. Right for the last twenty years, at the very latest since I saw The Little Mermaid for the very first time. (Perhaps that's why I love singing, too... ;-)) But as hard as my little imagination is working on trying to convince me that what would make me most happy would be to have a man in my life, I know it's simply not true. And stronger than any other desire I may have is the desire to please God.
I just finished reading Promise Me Tomorrow by Lori Wick, and one thing that comes up several times is that having faith in God means having a "no matter what" attitude. Faith means obeying and trusting God, no matter what. Even if that means God telling me to say no to someone, or someone saying no to me, or there not being a someone to think about at all, God knows what's best. That may mean that I will meet someone in two years, or in twenty years, or maybe it's His plan that I stay single. No matter what, I'm going to trust God, and I want to follow God's guidance in every part of my life (not just my love life!), even if that means making decisions I don't necessarily like. And no more waiting...
(By the way, I'm sorry if this topic bothered anyone, but it's one you're likely to find on a young woman's blog... ;-))

So be careful how you live, not as fools but as those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do.
Ephesians 5:15-17

Sunday, August 19th
Oooh, I haven't written in four days...sorry...
I've been feeling a little restless lately. I'm wondering whether or not it might be time to make a few changes in my life. But I'm not sure whether this "restlessness" comes from God or whether it's just me. There's only one way to find out: through prayer. Sadly, this is something I've been neglecting since...my whole life. I want that to change. I've red several books in the past month, stories of pastors, the founder of YWAM, romance stories, etc. One thing I've noticed is that every time that God did something "big", like start a revival in a church or let a friend receive Christ, it was always preceded by prayer. And not just "God, please do ... . Amen." They spent hours praying fervently. I think a Christians life should be centered around prayer. It's one of the most important ways we get to know God. It's how we communicate with Him. And without communication, there's no relationship. I'm not trying to preach here, this is for me. I don't want to just pray for a couple of minutes before I go to sleep every day (sometimes I'm too tired at the end of the day to do even just that...) I want my day-to-day life to be centered around God. Tonight I took some time to pray and read the Bible, and while I didn't get any specific answers, I felt at peace. And I know that if I spend time with God often, not only will I get to know Him better, He'll also give me guidance for the future and make sure the right doors are opened at the right time.

The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control."
Psalm 32:8-9

Tuesday, August 21th

Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.
Proverbs 4:23 (NASB)

The New Living Translation translates that verse like this: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do." It goes on to say (in verses 24 to 27) "Avoid all perverse talk; stay far away from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil."
It's kind of funny, the last three verses basically just say (three different times and in six different ways) to stay on the right path. That must probably be important...
Ok, now what am I actually trying to get at... (Sorry to all you "old-timers" who are already hitched or on the way to the altar, for this probably won't interest you too much... ;-)) As you might have noticed, I am a girl who's absolutely fascinated with romance. I love romantic comedies and novels and listening to couples talk about how they met. I've spent hours and hours daydreaming about how it might be like to be pursued and romanced. The thing about these stories, whether they're true or not: they usually work out. The boy gets the girl (or the other way 'round) and they live happily ever after. Life is a little different...
When I was in the 5th/6th grade we used to have "discos." That meant that there would be music, the girls would sit on one side of the room, the guys on the other, and then we'd wait until someone had the courage to ask someone else to dance. (That could take a long, loooong time... Sometimes it didn't happen at all...) And I always imagined that it would feel so nice, that I'd have butterflies in my stomach and feel all happy when one of the boys would come and ask me. I'm not sure I even noticed it then, but that's not how I felt at all. I was only so nervous I felt sick... Yesterday the same thing happened. I was at a party, and a handsome man asked me to dance (that is, he had to literally pull me to my feet since I still think that my little attempts at dancing just make me look like I'm very, very drunk...), aaand I felt...nothing. I was shy and nervous and a little uncomfortable, but that was it. Hmm, now what happened to all the little butterflies?
I think that most women dream about being pursued, while most guys dream about winning someones heart. But, I think that being pursued and pursuing is only really "enjoyable" (though it's hard, too, sometimes) when it's the right one. From my own limited experience I've learned that every single time I was attracted to someone and flirted with them, and they started showing interest in me, I lost interest. Sometimes it took a little longer for me to lose interest, but I always did. And the only explanation I can come up with for this strange phenomenon is that I liked the idea of someone more than I liked the actual person. It was only attraction, not love.
I don't even know what exactly that I'm trying to say here, except that it's important to guard your heart, not to sell it because you feel pity or because you're starving for romance. And one important part of this is to "avoid all perverse talk; stay far away from corrupt speech." (Proverbs 4:24) I think that also includes flirting, especially when you don't really feel anything for that person or if you don't know that person very well. And sure, my ego feels pretty good when some good-lookin' hunk smiles at me, but I never, ever, ever should flirt or give false hopes to anyone just because I like the attention.
The most important thing is to stay on the right path. And I'm starting to think that maybe the most important tool we have for that purpose is prayer.

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 (Emphasis added)

Thursday, August 23rd
It's been becoming more and more important to me that all of my friends, family members, collegues, and also acquaintances or people that I don't even know, all of them that don't know Christ are headed towards hell. The desire to pray for them has been growing in my heart more and more.
The other day, after work, I felt like I should stay in town rather than go home right away. I don't know exactly why, but I felt like I should go to the 'Rose Garden' (a beautiful garden, famous for - who would have though - it's roses.) I got on the bus and sat across from a man in his 40s or 50s. I don't quite know how to describe him... He's the type of person you'll find in the city asking you for spare change, or who's sitting in a corner somewhere with a bunch of buddies drinking beer. He did not look or smell very nice, but I can't even find the right words to describe how much he touched my heart. When I first got on the bus I didn't sit there right away, being rather prejudiced, but he came right out and told me I could sit there if I liked, and after I sat down and said thank you, he went on to talk about how it could be dangerous standing in the bus since it could sometimes get a bit rough, and he went on to talk almost non-stop about a bunch of different things. I found out that he'd been living on the streets for quite a long time, but now someone had offered him a place to stay (I think it's another man who was also on the bus, a cross-dresser - just shows how prejudiced I really am...or was. Rather than finding kindness in a "respectable" person, instead he was taken in by someone who, by the looks of it, isn't much better of than he is...) I don't think I've ever had anyone wish me good luck and all the best as many times as he did when he got off the bus, even saying "God bless you!" just before the door closed, waving good-bye.
I don't even know what to write anymore, except to say that every person who looks down on someone like that and calls him or herself a Christian is a fool.
Right after he got off the bus a lady got in and sat in his seat, a woman not un-similar to the man who'd just accupied that seat, and she just randomly started talking to me, too (about sudokus and her strategies in solving those puzzles.) She also wished me all the best when I got off the bus.
About twenty minutes later I found myself in the beautiful "Rosägartä," where I was asked by several Asian ladies to take a picture of them, before I went into the restaurant and had a coffee, was smiled at by an elderly lady and served by a friendly waitress. That day, walking around the garden and on the way back, too, I saw so many different types of people: young women with babies, children playing (all shapes, colors and sizes,) elderly couples, young couples, a group from the middle-east, many Asians, a few English people too, I think, and I realized suddenly, that God loves each and every single one of these people, no matter what they look (or smell) like, how much money they earn, how respectable they are, it doesn't matter. God loves them all. And they all desperately need God.
"Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart." (Colossians 4:2) When you see someone on the street asking for money, remember that God loves that man or woman every bit as much as He loves you.

Saturday, August 25th
Tonight I read the books of Esther and Ruth, the only two books of the Bible named after women (so, of course, they have to be special... :-)) I really like the story of Ruth. She was a Moabite, a Gentile, just like you and me (unless you're a Jew or a Messianic Jew.) One difference that I noticed between Ruth and Esther in a certain situation, though their situations were, apparently, rather different: when Mordecai told Esther to go before the king and plead for the lives of her people, she hesitated (because she would risk losing her life); but when Naomi told Ruth to "go to the threshing floor, but don't let Boaz see you until he has finished his meal. Be sure to notice where he lies down; then go and uncover his feet and lie down there" (Ruth 3:3-4) Ruth didn't hesitate. She might not have been risking her life, but she did risk quite a lot... She risked losing the favor of a man who'd been very kind to her and her mother-in-law, she risked losing her reputation if she were found in the sleeping-quarters of a man, in fact she might even have been labeled an adulteress and been stoned to death! But she didn't hesitate.
One of our lecturers in Hawaii told us that Obedience (to God) meant making "godly decisions without lengthy deliberations."
I'm not good at making decisions. Sometimes it's because I don't know what I want, other times it's because I can't make up my mind between what I want and what I know is right, and sometimes I don't know what's right. (And sometimes I'm just lazy...) I don't think that's the way God wants it to be.

So I advise you to live according to your new life in the Holy Spirit. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves.
Galatians 5:16

For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases him.
Philippians 2:13

For though your hearts were once full of darkness, now you are full of light from the Lord, and your behavior should show it! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.
Ephesians 5:8-9

Since you have heard all about him and have learned the truth that is in Jesus, throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God's likeness - righteous, holy, and true.
Ephesians 4:21-24

Monday, August 27th
I went to watch Harry Potter - The Order Of The Pheonix today and loved it. I already liked the movie, but the cheesy thing Harry says at the end definitely won me over. He says something like: "But we have something that Voldemort doesn't have." He says it better, but it means of course... ♥ ♥ ♥ All you need is love...all you need is love... ♥ ♥ ♥
How easy it is to forget that sometimes... I think the most important thing in the HP books is love and friendship, and out of that come things like courage, strength, boldness, and creativity. Without Harry's friendship to Hermione and Ron, these seven (!) fat books would be rather empty.
I'm too tired to write a whole bunch, but just as a little reminder...

"Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?" Jesus replied, "'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."
Matthew 22:36-40

I've been working at McDonald's for three and a half weeks now, and while I don't work that many hours, I've talked to a few women who do work quite a lot, and it's not nice. While they are earning a lot of money, they don't have a lot of free time to spend with friends (and to actually spend their well-earned money on something fun.)
Prayer, work, reading the Bible, serving others, giving money to the poor - these are all wonderful things, but according to Paul, unless there's love, these things are useless. (Not just good for a teeny, eensy, little bit - but for nothing.) So make time for friends and family, and also for God. All the other good things will come naturally after that.

Thursday, August 30th
Sorry I haven't written in a few days.
I've been allowing the devil to distract me from the things I believe God wants. I'm not blaming the devil though, they were my own choices...

For we are each responsible for our own conduct.
Galatians 6:5

I believe God wants me to go to Russia to work with orphans and unwanted children, which is why I was going to start learning Russian and start helping out with the Sunday School in church, but I haven't done either yet. I don't want to lose sight of my goals anymore. God is the most important One in my life, and whatever He wants is what I want, too.
The only time I've ever really worked with kids was with my outreach team in Cambodia, where we taught English and visited orphanages. I've been letting those wonderful memories slip away, and letting doubts sneak into my mind as to whether I really could work with kids, whether I even would like working with kids. The devil is so sneaky... He'll use anything from doubts to forgetfulness to insecurities to...whatever might possibly distract us from what God wants.
I found this picture of me at my favorite orphanage in Cambodia (it's called Love In Action)...

The orphanage was very small, the kids weren't always very clean, they hardly spoke any English...and I've never met such loving, sweet, adorable, beautiful children in all my life. And from what I understand, their precious hearts are full of love for Jesus. I wouldn't trade that time with them for anything in the world.

But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Galatians 5:22-23a

What counts is whether we really have been changed into new and different people.
Galatians 6:15b

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