LoveWithAMission.com - September 2006

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1 September
Wow, nothing today went as I had planned... I wasn't supposed to work today. In the morning they called and asked if I could come over lunch time. First I said no, I can't, then later I realized that I hadn't said no because I couldn't, but because I didn't want to. That gave me a really bad conscience. After all, this is my job, not just something I do for fun, so I called them back and said that if they still needed someone (which they did) I could come work. So I went to work. Nothing "bad" happened except an unusual amount of messing things up, like sundaes, and bumping into a lot of people. Then I was asked if I could maybe work until 6 pm. I didn't really want to, but I didn't have anything else planned, so I said ok. I was told to take a break and eat something since I would be there all afternoon. If you read what I wrote yesterday you'll know that I was planning to fast today and tomorrow... So first I said I can't, I don't have any money with me, which was a valid and true excuse. Then I was told that I could eat for free. You don't get this kind of offer every day... Well, now what about my plans? I told them that I had planned not to eat that day, but I was sensibly told that I needed energy so I should eat something. (The people I work with are wonderful.) So I ate something. While I was eating I wrote my mom a text message that I would be working until six, then she wrote me back and told me that I should call my driving teacher... I ran and got my agenda and saw that I was supposed to have had a driving lesson about an hour ago! I wanted to slam my head into the table... So I called him and apologized (he was very nice about it) and continued feeling like a complete idiot. I wasn't quite sure how long my break was supposed to last so I went on upstairs and clocked in. ("Clock stamp" sounds very weird to me, but it's what I found under "Stempeluhr" in the dictionary...) Then I was told my break was supposed to last for half an hour. I'd only been gone for nineteen minutes. So I had to ask about three different people what I was supposed to do, clocked out again and ended up actually starting later than I would have if I hadn't made such a mess. I'd also like to mention that one of my customers today was the expert who had failed me in my driving test. I was very ready to go home when I did. But, in the changing room I talked a bit to one of my coworkers (she's really nice) and gave her a flyer for the Alphalive information evening. So, maybe that was what all that had been leading up to. Maybe I was supposed to go to work that day, just so I'd have the opportunity to give someone something that might, hopefully, change her life. God works in mysterious and sometimes very unnerving ways, but, if we let Him, He can accomplish great things through us. Everything that happens has a reason for happening.

Galatians 3:3

2 September
I cannot believe how much I ate today... So much for fasting! I'm going to go back on a diet and change my eating habits, this time for good. I also need to eat more healthy food, not just what I happen to feel like eating at the moment. God, please help me to be able to not eat when I'm not hungry but want to eat something anyway. I can't change my habits on my own, please help me! So, no more chocolate, cookies, cake, candy, etc. for the time being. During the next week I'm going to fast junk food. I'd better start taking something with to eat at work... But I don't want this to just be about my weight, sure, that's important to me too. But I want to be able to resist things, even if those things are just food. And I want to serve God to the best of my abilities and I can't serve Him quite as well if I have an unhealthy lifestyle. God wants us to be healthy, inside and out. He isn't happy when we're sick or unhealthy in any way, He wants us to be content with ourselves. Maybe God wants to show me something else through my gaining weight. It doesn't matter if I have a good figure or if I weigh a little more than I like, even if I felt better when I weighed less. I should be able to accept myself no matter what I look like. Women tend to have more problems than men with how they look. But no matter what we look like, God loves us just the same and thinks we're beautiful. It doesn't really matter how we look on the outside, it's the inside that counts. That doesn't mean I'm not going to try to lose weight and change my eating habits. I'm not eating healthily and I don't feel well in my body, and these are things I can change with God's help. It doesn't matter if I'll look better when I've lost weight, I'll feel better and because of that I'll be able to serve better. Healthy people should be able to do more than unhealthy people, and I want to do more. I hope all of this made sense somehow. God bless you!

1. Timothy 6:6-8

3 September
Today's sermon was, among other things, about Ephesians 5:5: You can be sure that no immoral, impure or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is really an idolater who worships the things of this world. I'm in one of the worship teams, and always before we play during a sermon, we pray together, along with the pastor(s) and some other people. When our pastor, Thomas Eggenberg, told us about what the sermon would be he said that people tend to think it isn't directed at them. I thought that he was right and hoped that the other people in the congregation would realize their sins. Did you notice the wording? The other people... So, by thinking that, I was actually doing exactly what Thomas had said people usually did. So I paid attention during the sermon and realized that some things were definitely not right in my own life. He talked about immorality, impurity and greed. Those words seem almost a little foreign, we wouldn't accociate them with ourselves automatically. But those things are more easy to slide into than we think. Immorality can be pornography, dirty movies, ... One thing Thomas said, which seems obvious to most Christians, but often isn't, is that sex belongs inside a marriage, otherwise it's sin. The same goes for "petting". Then there's impurity. That can "just" be thoughts, it can be lust, and it can also be immodesty. I've heard quite a few times that guys who are Christians are very grateful if a woman dresses modestly. Dressing modestly means not showing too much d?colt?, not showing your tummy, not wearing mini skirts or very short shorts, and also not wearing too tight clothes. (This is mostly for girls, guys don't tend to have much trouble dressing modestly.) Then there's greed. Greed is usually associated with money. Did you know that owning ten different types of perfume can also have something to do with greed? We can be "greedy" for anything: chocolate, purses, shoes, clothes, cars, iPods, etc. I've already said this before, and I still have a problem with greed when it comes to food. I hate it. As for impurity, I'm going to stop wearing really tight fitting clothes. And as for immorality, I'm just going to wait for my "Mr. Right", and I'm going to keep on waiting until God's introduced us.

4 September
Have you ever read through the parts in the Bible where "talents" or "gifts" are mentioned and started wondering what yours might be? I did some wondering myself and I'm not entirely sure. There are lot's of things I like to do, for instance sowing. I completed my first quilt a few weeks ago (it's been on my bed since then), but if you look at it closely you'll notice that there are lot's of parts that are a little patched up or don't quite fit right, and I'm not sure the width is the same at both ends. I like to sew, but I'm not one for measuring or thinking very far ahead, I also don't tend to do things very exact. Singing is another thing I love to do, but I don't take the time to practise. I wrote a song once, but I wasn't very satisfied with it, though I do love the accords played by the piano if that makes any sense, but the singing voice didn't really have a melody, it was just whatever happened to fit to whatever the piano was doing. I also like to bake, but I don't think I could reach a great many people with that... I like to write, too, but to be able to write I need a subject. I've tried several times to write stories from scratch, and not one of them amounted to anything. I see beautiful pictures in my mind, but I can't seem to find the right words to bring them to life. Well now, what does God have to say about these things? In Matthew 25, 14-30 Jesus talks about God giving us talents, all of us different ones, some seem less valuable while others seem grander, but we all get them. One man to whom He didn't give a great many didn't do anything with his talents, and God wasn't pleased. The things I've written above may not seem like much, but God will not be pleased if I don't do something with them. Maybe I could sew a bag with a bible verse on it, maybe I could try to write a simple little song, maybe I could make someone happy by baking them some cookies, maybe what I'm writing here will encourage someone in their faith. There are lot's of ways that we could use our gifts. I wonder sometimes why a lot of people bury their gifts, thinking they're unimportant or unworthy, but God gave them to us! God is no scrooge, He doesn't give out gifts that are not valuable, and every single one of them is important.

Mark 4:21

5 September
I love to sing songs that I like. That sounds logical, but what I mean is that I also like to sing songs from musicals or movies, songs that can sound a bit unusual if they're sung out of context. One song that I love is from the musical Fiddler On The Roof. The name of the song is Far From The Home I Love and it's about a girl who's in love. The man she's engaged to is imprisoned somewhere in Siberia and she's just about to get on the train that will take her to him. She's singing it to her father. I was watching one of those romantic movies that makes you gaze into space, thinking, "Now wouldn't that be nice..." and those kind of movies make me want to go sing romantic songs (in the bathroom...) and I started to sing that song. Of course I was thinking, "Sigh, wouldn't that be romantic", then suddenly something came to my mind. The song could also be interpreted very differently. What if the man she was singing about wasn't just any man, but Jesus? Here are the lyrics of the song:

How can I hope to make you understand why I do what I do,
Why I must travel to a distant land, far from the home I love.
Once I was happily content to be as I was, where I was,
Close to the people who are close to me, here in the home I love.
Who could see that a man would come who would change the shape of my dreams?
Helpless now I stand with him, watching older dreams grow dim.
Oh, what a melancholy choice this is, wanting home, wanting him,
Closing my heart to ev'ry hope but his, leaving the home I love.
There where my heart has settled long ago, I must go, I must go.
Who could imagine I'd be wand'ring so far from the home I love?
Yet there with my love, I'm home.

As you might know I'll be leaving to go to YWAM in January and I've also been reading The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun, a chinese missionary, and I'm not completely sure, but I think that maybe God's plan for my life isn't going to keep me in Switzerland. Only God knows for sure whether I'll end up far from the home I love, but even if I do, I'll always be at home with God.

John 8:12

6 September
Today I humbly realized I need God's help. I need God's help at work to love my coworkers as well as our customers, to be nice and not smile artificially, to not lose my temper or become unfriendly, to not talk badly about someone behind their back, and, most important of all, to let God's light shine! This week I'm working a lot. Well, actually it's not all that much, maybe about the amount that most people normally work, but for someone's who's not used to working more than a few hours at a time it's a whole lot! This evening I needed most of my strength to just be able to stand on my two feet and not fall asleep standing up! I didn't do badly, though the icecream machine is starting to look increasingly evil, but I didn't do great either, and if I had asked God I'm sure I could have done better. I'm not talking about doing a good job so that I'll get promoted, but I want to show God's love to the people around me and unless I care about them I can't do that. Dear Lord, please give me patience, kindness, humility, modesty, strength, wisdom, and most of all, love. Amen.

James 1:19-27

7 September
On the page where I talk about why I made this site I mentioned that I think that God made me fail my driving test because He loves me. Today I realized why. As I've mentioned quite a few times I'm reading a book by Brother Yun, The Heavenly Man. He has been persecuted a great deal for his faith, and one thing he puts a lot of emphasis on is that persecution isn't a punishment. When we suffer God isn't tyring to make us suffer, He's trying to teach us something, to mold us into the person we're supposed to be. He might want us to learn to stand up for our faith, to endure and keep a strong hold on our faith despite (or because of) what's happening to us, to learn about patience, or to become humble. Today I realized for maybe the first time that I am nothing. I'm just a shy little akward girl. But what makes me special is that God can use me. Through me, He made sure this website was made. Through me, He made sure that one young man got an invitation to an Alphalive information evening, and maybe because of this he'll gain eternal life. Through me, He can reach out to many more people. I only have to let Him. Without God I am truly nothing. The only thing I can brag about is that the one and only God loves me, eventhough I don't deserve to be loved. I need to learn to be humble, to realize that I need God. Humility doesn't have anything to do with making ourselves look bad or looking for compliments. (We tend to say things like Oh, I look terrible! just so people will say No you don't! and we'll feel better...) It has to do with a deep realization that God is our master and we are His servants. Servants who don't do what their masters command are not good servants. God has commanded me and you to share God's love with others. Are we good servants?

1. Corinthians 15:10

8 September
Tonight was the Alphalive supper. We had expected around 150 people, the room wasn't even half full. None of the three people I invited came. My first reaction was disappointment, but actually it doesn't matter. It shouldn't be about how many people come. If we only worry about filling up the seats we're not thinking about the actual people any more, and then we've really understood something wrong. It is my opinion (though some people might disagree with me) that God wanted us to be humiliated. This sounds awful, doesn't it? But I believe that we needed to be humbled. I think it could be that we got so into organizing the whole thing, inviting people and getting everything ready, that we forgot to ask God whether this was what we should do. I don't know if anyone asked whether this course was God's will or if we were doing it the right way. I also think some people started to believe that the only way people could be saved would be to have them come to an Alpha course. That's not true. The Alpha course is just one alternative. Our main testimony should be our lifestyle. It's the same with church. Some people think that the only way to get their friends to become Christians is to make them come to church, but I think that if we have friends who don't know Christ we should minister to them ourselves. They're much more likely to listen to us than to some pastor they don't know. Why is it that most of us are so afraid of sharing our faith? Do we think we're not educated enough? In The Heavenly Man (yes, I realize I've been talking about this book alot) chinese Brother Yun talks about his life, how he became a Christian and all that's happened from then until now. His mother was one of the first people from the region where she lived to accept Christ as her savior. She had not attended seminary, did not own a bible and did not know very much about christianity in general. She probably knew a great deal less than I do, yet she was not afraid or shy but preached just the same and told people everything she did know, and lot's of people got to know Christ through her. If she could tell people about Christ, what excuse do we have for not doing the same? We can't rely on Alpha courses or church or books or pamphlets or anything like that, our main testimony should be the way we live. We should live in a way so that people can tell that we're Christians without being told that we are. We should be recognizable through how we act, how we treat one another, not because we're wearing a cross or inviting people to church. Inviting people to church is one option, but it's not the only one, or the most important. I still need to learn this.

Luke 18:18-30

9 September
I've always loved to sing. I've always dreamed of standing on a stage in front of tons of people and singing so beautifully that they would all listen with their mouths open. I always wanted to be someone special, to be famous, admired, envied. I had the wrong attitude. There's nothing wrong with wanting to sing, but it should be for the right reasons. I wanted to sing for my own glory. I should sing for God's. I should want it to sound beautiful, but for the honor of God, not to show off. I still have a lot to learn about humility... I wonder why it is that we want to be envied. Not everyone is like this, but I believe most people have had this longing in their heart at one point or another. Maybe it's because we think we're not good enough, not beautiful enough, or too poor. I used to be sort of chubby and not so nice looking, and I was told so by some of my school mates. So, my biggest wish for a long time was to be thin and beautiful. This isn't a bad thing to want, but it shouldn't be the most important thing. And most of all, I shouldn't want these things so that other people will accept me. People who would only accept me because of my looks aren't real friends anyway. And other people aren't perfect either. We always end up disappointing each other, intentionally or not, in one way or another. Once I had my hair cut pretty short on a Saturday, and apart from my parents I hadn't heard anyone's opinion about how it looked yet, and I was worried because it did look quite different. (If I had already been thinking then about what I'm writing here right now, maybe I wouldn't have worried so much... ;-)) So on Sunday morning I was anxious to hear what my friends would say. We were a bit late so I didn't have time to talk to anyone before and I just sat down next to one young man who's several years younger than me, and the first thing he said was something like How could you cut off your long hair! That was a mistake... My, I almost cried several times during that church service! (Afterwards I got some compliments and felt much better...) What I want to say is that we shouldn't care so much about what other people think of us, we'll never suit everyone anyway. However, we can please God and what He thinks of us is a great deal more important. So, I'll stop dreaming about being a famous singer, and instead try to sing to please the most important listener: God.

Psalm 144:3-4

10 September
True beauty comes from within. We've all heard that before, but have we ever really thought about it? It's usually used as an excuse when we're having a bad hair day or something, but what it actually means is that we should pay more attention to how we look like on the inside rather than on the outside. I still want to lose a bit of weight, but mostly I want to work to become what God wants me to be. I want to become more patient, kind, caring, humble, loving, I want to put other people in front of myself, to not always think of myself, how I look, how I feel, (how hungry I am...), but think of the other people first. Instead of eating those leftover brownies I'm going to leave them for my mom and dad. I want to stand up for my faith, not hide it under my bed. I want to pay more attention to what God wants instead of what I want. I want to be even-tempered and not lose my temper about unimportant things like that the microphone wasn't set very well so that it was hard not to fall asleep during church service because the preacher was hard to hear. (Instead I should be grateful that we even have a microphone at our church!) I don't want to always think about what I don't have but instead concentrate on all the stuff I do have! (My dad still thinks my room is full of junk, even though I got rid of a whole bunch of stuff not too long ago...) Instead of seeing the bad things in people and being judgmental, I want to see the good things. I want to be able to love people unconditionally, even if I don't agree with what they're doing. I don't want to love someone with an "if" behind them. (E.g., I'll love you if you are nice to me...) Caring about other people more than myself also means letting go of my lazy side now and then, maybe to do the dishes or to fold the laundry for my mom. But I want to put someone before everyone else, even before my parents, and that's Jesus. I want to get to know Jesus better, through prayer, through reading the Bible, through just spending time with Him. When I do that, everything else will fall into place. You can't truly get to know Jesus without becoming more like Him, and that should be our main goal.

Matthew 24:43-44

11 September
9/11, a day we probably wont forget for a very long time. Today five years ago hundreds of people were killed by terrorists in New York. The United States was humbled that day, we realized we aren't invincible. I was humbled today, too. (Though of course not in any way comparable to that.) At work today I fell down the stairs. I didn't hurt myself too bad, though every time I sit down or bump into something backwards it is painful. (One good thing, because of this I'm sitting up straight in my chair! Maybe it will help my posture... ;-)) It was a bit embarrassing though. Then, as you might know my dad's a pilot. He's a flying instructor and he also enjoys flying airobatics. On Friday he'll be flying at a special event and today I was allowed to accompany him when he went to practise. One thing I get asked a lot whenever we talk about flying upside down is Doesn't it make you feel sick? and it would be so nice to say No, that I feel just fine even when all the blood rushes to my head, but that wouldn't be true. When you're not flying parallel to the ground there can be an enourmous pressure on you, in a way that you can hardly lift your fingers, and when you're flying upside down you're really just hanging in your seat which isn't very comfortable (though it is really fun to see the world from that angle), and several times today in the air I almost blacked out. Don't get me wrong though, I do love flying, it's just that I can't say that it doesn't do anything to me, that I feel just fine when we do barrel-rolls or loopings. This wasn't always like this though. When I was younger I could go flying and didn't feel a thing. And let me tell you, it felt really nice to be able to say No, I never feel sick while flying...it's fun!, and to be honest I was showing off a little bit. So for me it was humbling to realize that this isn't true anymore, that I'm no different than most people who sometimes feel a bit sick doing those kind of things. This may sound rediculous (and it is!), but being able to fly upside down without feeling anything made me feel special. Now God's showed me that we should never feel that we are better than others. No one is better than someone else. If there's something we can do better than most other people it's not because we're special, it's because God mercifully bestowed us with this gift. God has given everyone gifts, and they are all special. We just have to do something with them.

Galatians 1:10

12 September
In housegroup my mother told us a little story. We were talking about anger. This is the story: A man was holding a glass filled with water in his hand. He called his son and told him to shake his arm, which he did, and water spilled out of the glass. The man asked his son why water had spilled, his son answered that it was because he had shaken his arm. The father replied No, it was because there was water in the glass. Then he held an empty glass in his other hand and told his son to shake that arm. Nothing happened. What he was trying to demonstrate is, that whatever is inside of us is what "spills" out when we're "shaken". So, if we lose our temper at something or someone it's not because of what happened, but because we have anger stored up inside of us. On the other hand, if we want to share God's love with others, all we need to do is to let ourselves be filled up with His love, then it will automatically "spill" out on others. "Spilling" can be a good thing or a bad thing, it just depends on what we have in our glass.

Ephesians 4:31-32

13 September
Tonight I realized that I didn't let God have a very big part of this day... I realize now that I've been mentally patting myself on my back for being such a "good Christian". I mean, I don't lose my temper quickly (anymore), I try to be nice to everyone, I made this website (!), yada yada yada... Isn't it pathetic? When I start thinking this way I simultaniously stop growing in my faith. In fact I even take a considerable step backwards. Pride doesn't have anything to do with Christianity, at least not this kind of pride. Being proud of other people is usually ok, for example I'm proud of all the things my father has accomplished (he's an amazing pilot and knows a great deal about almost everything it seems, and he makes great fondue... ;-)) I'm proud that my mother is working on her doctors degree (in English, she's not studying medicin in case you were wondering.) But it's something else to be proud of oneself. The one who first said Pride comes before the fall didn't just make that up because it sounded teachery, it was probably discovered through experience. When we've come so far that we start to think Wow, aren't I an amazing person! we actually start going backwards again. I don't want that. I think the remedy is humility. Instead of thinking aren't I nice, we should think about all the things that Jesus did, and we'll soon stop thinking so much of ourselves. Instead of thinking we are good just as we are (on the inside, not the outside) we should try to become like Jesus. Jesus was the only absolutely perfect human to walk on the earth. Would it make sense to have anyone other than Him as our role model?

Ephesians 5:8-10

14 September
I was going to write something about being scared of my driving test which is going to be tomorrow, but then I read an e-mail that I got and realized how very unimportant that is... I was reminded of when a friend of mine died a few years ago. I went to school with her and she was one of the few people from my class that I got along with then. Sometimes we'd play basketball together. I don't know how she died, I just know that now she's dead and that I never, ever bothered to share my faith with her. It would have been so easy, I don't think she would have been closed to it, we could talk easily and she even once complained that we never talked about anything personal, which would have been a perfect opportunity. I just let it pass. I could have invited her to our youth group, to church. I could have done so much, I would have had so many opportunities, but I just let all of them pass. It would take so little. Why, why, why are we so timid about sharing our faith?

Romans 12

15/16 September
I'm sorry I'm a day late again... These last couple of days have been unbelievably busy. On the 15th I had set my alarm for 5 am (though it took about 20 minutes until I was up...), then my driving teacher came to pick me up at 6 am, then the test started at 7.10 am. This test was completely the opposite from the first one. The first time I was very confident, I thought I had nothing to worry about, that I would pass easily. (I didn't if you don't already know.) Then this second time I was so nervous. The fact that I had only slept for approx. 4 hours didn't help. My driving teacher told me afterwards that the last time I had driven so badly was maybe in my tenth lesson. I made lot's of mistakes, I was unsure of myself, when he asked me questions, even really easy ones, I didn't know what to reply, I almost cried a few times, I thought for sure I would fail unless God was merciful, so I prayed while I was driving. And guess what, I passed!! I was so tired then, I felt like the day should be over now...which of course it wasn't and I had to go to work. I started work at 11.45 am, and worked until 11.45 pm. (Plus/minus a few minutes.) Of course I had a break of almost two hours, then another one later, but I could almost have fallen asleep standing up. I was very exhausted. Then the next day I decided to enjoy my newly found freedom, so I drove to a shopping center (that wasn't too close so I could enjoy driving a bit), then later I went to another shop to buy some things that my mother needed, then in the evening I drove to town and went to the movies with a friend. Did I mention that today I've reached the weight that's been my goal for years? Since I prayed that God would help me with my bad eating habits I've been doing much better and now weigh exactly as much as I want to. These have been two very busy, but also very special days. Thank you Lord for guiding me through them.

Hebrews 11:1

17 September
Today I realized that I need to get my priorities straight again. God comes first, before anyone or anything else. I was letting something become too important to me, so much that I wasn't even seeking for God's guidance. No matter how important someone or something is to you, don't let them or it control your life or your behavior. Things have been so busy lately, I've had so many things on my mind, and I let them control me. I even had trouble sleeping, and I also had a stomach ache. In certain situations I always get a queezy feeling and I'm tired of getting it. So I prayed and asked, or rather demanded, that this stomach ache would go away. While I was praying I slowly realized that it was gone!! God always listens to our prayers. Sometimes we think He doesn't when we don't get exactly what we want, but He does always listens to every single prayer. Very often things don't happen the way we imagined them or the way we want, or very, very often not when we want. But God knows what is best for us and when we ask Him He'll make sure the right things happen at the right time. So now my prayer is that God will help me to not let anything become more important to me than Him. When God inhabits the first place in our lives, everything else falls into place where it should be.

1. Thessalonians 4-5

18/19 September
These last few days have been very confusing for me. I started dating a guy who's not a Christian. Then I broke up with him again because he's not a Christian. Things started very quickly and they also ended very quickly. In Amos 3:3 it says Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? I jumped into this relationship without thinking much about the consequences, now they've hit me right in the face. If I had thought about it beforehand I would have realized that I shouldn't date anyone who's not a Christian, and I could have saved myself as well as him a great deal of pain. He asked me if I couldn't make an exception, whether I couldn't just give him time to think about becoming a Christian, but true Christianity knows no compromises. You might think that as Christians we should be tolerant, that's true. But not when it comes to compromising our faith. I care about this man, but I care about my relationship with God more. Our lives on this earth are short, we shouldn't make decisions we'll regret later. I'm sorry for letting things go so far and for hurting him by doing so, and I'm sorry that I made some compromises in our relationship, because each little one made it harder to say no. One little compromise may seem harmless, but one leads to another, and another, until you're already past the point where you wanted to stop. I also learned to listen to my parents advice. My mother advised me even before I ever went out with a non-believer that I should be careful, and if I had asked my dad he would have told me in no uncertain terms that this wasn't good. But we always think we know better than them. I had to learn the hard way, though maybe it wasn't as hard as it would have been if I had waited even longer. So I asked my dad to forbid me to date an unbeliever. This gives me some protection. We tend to think that we are strong enough to withstand temptation. This is a lie. We can only withstand temptation with God's help. We aren't strong enough. I'm not strong enough. One of our pastors once told us about one of his fights with temptation. His wife and kids we're going off on vacation somewhere and he was going to stay home, alone. He was worried that he would end up watching some not so clean TV, so before his family left he gave his wife the cord to hook up the TV and told her to take it with her when she left. This way he wasn't tempted to watch TV because he couldn't. One way to avoid being tempted is to simply not let yourself get into any situation where you could be tempted. This is another reason why I shouldn't date an unbeliever. I'm not perfect, I am temptable, and in this kind of relationship both partners need to be headed towards the same goal, to have the same values, otherwise you'll end up being torn apart.

1. Corinthians 6:12a

20 September
Today we had worship band practise. I sat down and announced that as of the 18th of October I would most likely not be in the worship team anymore because I'd be attending the Alphacourse, that I had invited someone who was probably going to come, and that that was more important to me. I figured that was that. Then we prayed and afterwards our leader asked us if anyone had had a vision or would like to say something. The leader's husband thought for a little while then he told us that he wasn't very comfortable with something. He was a bit upset that I had just said that I wouldn't be coming anymore. I hadn't asked if that was ok, I had just said that that was the way it was. He felt that I wasn't very commited to our worship team and that I had said before that I would be there until the end of the year. Boy was I furious! I said that I was sorry, but that I had invited someone to the Alphacourse, someone to whom I had said I would also be coming, and that the chance that this friend might possibly become a Christian was much more important to me than singing in the worship team. Later, about halfway through practise, I still didn't feel quite right, then I realized that he had been right. And I had been self-righteous. I still think that me going to the Alphacourse is more important, but my whole attitude towards the worship team was upside-down. So I thought that at the end of the practise I would go to him and apologize. But I didn't feel comfortable, I felt like God was telling me to apologize right then and there, even if everyone else would be listening. That sounds easier than it was. I am a proud person, it takes some guts for me to be humble. But I managed to do it, and you know what? Afterwards I felt lighter. And I think he felt better then, too. I could worship the Lord with all of my heart, unlike before. Practising humility can sometimes be difficult, but you never need to regret it afterwards. We should never let pride get in the way of doing what we know is right. Actually, we should never let anything get in the way of doing what we know is right, be it shyness, stubborness, hatred, ...

Romans 6:15-16

21 September
Ever heard of the yo-yo effect? That's when you lose weight, then you gain it all back again, sometimes even more than you lost. The only way to avoid this nasty phenomenon is to always watch what you eat, to change your eating habits for good. (Alright, yes, I ate more than I should have today...) Did you know that it's the same with our faith? There have been times when I felt content with myself, I thought I was a pretty good Christian if I said so myself, and I couldn't imagine what else I could possibly learn to become a better one. That's when the yo-yo effect starts. When you've lost weight and are content with your figure, that's when it becomes dangerous that you'll stop watching what you eat...and gain it all back. It's the same when you start to think you're a pretty darned good Christian. That's when you start going backwards again and if you don't watch out you'll end up going the wrong way, like the pharisees. They thought they were very good jews, but they actually missed the coming of their long awaited Messiah and ended up crucifying Him. Actually, that's not quite true. We are all responsible. Every last one of us. We might not be blinded with self-righteousness, but then again, haven't we been at one time or another? Have you ever been in an argument where you stubbornly refused to back down? To listen to the other person? And ended up being wrong? (I know I have... *pokes her parents*) Yes, this is still about humility. And it's also about realizing that we'll never be perfect. We can always, always learn more. And it's much better to keep on learning all the time than to slowly forget all the things you've already learned.

Hebrews 2:1

22 September
Humility...my all-time struggle. We had youth group today. I love our youth group, but sometimes I wonder if we aren't, in a way, stuck. The theme was Grace, passing on the gift, about telling other people about our faith. Telling people who are close to me about my faith is something very important to me, but something I struggle with a lot, and I was wondering if the other people in our youth group even wanted to tell their friends about God, whether they cared about it as much as me, and when I realized what I was doing I was completely disgusted with myself. There is no way I can see into their hearts, to see whether they care or not, only God can. I can't tell just by looking at them how much they care about their relationship with Jesus. You can't judge a book by it's covers. And anyway, I'm in no position to judge. That God wants to have anything to do with a conceited brat like me is already a huge testimony of his amazing grace. I am nothing, nothing, without God. Because of Him I exist, and He is the one who gives meaning to my life. Christianity is not a contest, it's not about praying more eloquently or behaving "christianly" or becoming a missionary. We should be concentrating on getting to know God, on finding out what His will is for our lives and on doing what He wants us to.

Romans 14

23 September
I spent quite a lot of time today thinking about two guys. One of them is the one I wrote about on the 18th/19th of September, the other one is a friend of mine who is having some difficulties, partly because of me. I'm a little bit worried about both of them and don't quite know what to do about it. I talked to my mom, and she told me that I shouldn't worry so much, otherwise I'd just turn in circles and not get anywhere. She said that instead of worrying I should concentrate on myself and get on with my life. What happens to them isn't up to me, it's between them and God. I also realized today that though I talk a lot about sharing my faith, I haven't been following my own advice very much. My little attempts could at best be called cute, at worst pitiful. There are so many people that I care about who don't know Christ yet, but I'm too shy to start talking to them about Him. I pray that God'll let me forget my shyness and jump into every opportunity I get to share His great love with others. If I'm ever remembered for anything, I want it to be that I didn't miss any chance to evangelize, not that I was timid and shy... And remember, don't worry, be happy... ;-)

Proverbs 3:11-12

24 September
I went for a walk with my mom today. While we were walking we told each other about some of our troubles from the last week, and I said that life would be so much easier if there weren't any guys... (She replied that if there weren't any guys we'd have a problem with extinction, but that's besides the point.) I spent a lot of time today daydreaming, so much that I got exasperated with myself. Sure, I would like to meet someone someday, but when I do I want to be completely sure that he's the one God has intended for me, and until then I don't want to dream away the time thinking about how it could be. I also thought about if I could ask for my futur someone to have one special "thing", I would want him to be stronger in his faith than I am. I want to be able to grow in my faith with him, not stumble back into old habits. I wondered for a while whether I should write all this here, but I decided to because this is something that's important to me. When you're thinking about dating someone (whether you're a man or woman), please ask God for wisdom so that He can help you make the right decision. Dating may start harmlessly enough, but believe me, ending it is really painful. So make sure right from the beginning that you're doing the right thing. And whatever you do, don't let things go too fast. The faster it goes, the harder it is to say no when it starts going in a direction that you don't like. If I remind you of your mother or father, I'll consider it a compliment. Our parents are much wiser than we tend to think... ;-)

1. Corinthians 9:24-27

25 September
One of the women I work with mentioned something today about wanting to learn how to drive. It made me think about when I learned to drive, all the way back to the very first lesson when my dad tried to make me understand how you needed to push the gas pedal a little and release the clutch a little, but without reving the car up too much or letting it die, and how to drive smoothly, not joltingly, then how to change gears, how to drive backwards, etc. All those things seemed to be impossible at first, and now they're easy. I think it's the same with telling others about Jesus. It seems really hard at first, maybe even impossible, but with practise it becomes easier. (At least I hope it does.) Reminiscing about my first scary driving lessons made me realize another thing. I greatly under-value the things my parents have taught me. When I think about driving I think about all the rules, how you're supposed to drive, when you need to look over your shoulder, etc., but the only thing that even enables me to follow those rules is that I can drive a car, and my dad taught me that. My parents also taught me to eat, walk, talk, read, they taught me about respect, politeness, integrity, and, most precious of all, they laid the foundations for my faith. They gave me a solid knowledge of the Bible and showed me that I could go to God with my problems. I owe everything I am to them. How easy it is to forget that.

2. Corinthians 5-6

26 September
Today at work I had I'm lovin' it training. It's McDonald's motto and about how we treat our customers. I got home sometime after midnight last night. I was so tired, I could have laid down on the floor right there while they were talking and gone to sleep. I did manage to remember a few things though, and funnily enough I don't think they'll change the way I serve our customers much, but maybe they'll help me share my faith... One example that they brought was an eldery lady who came into the restaurant, and just gaped at the huge variety, completely lost. She was left alone, and after a few minutes she left again. Then they showed how it would have been better. Someone went up to her and asked her if she could use any help, if maybe she'd like some suggestions. With that person's help she ordered something and because of that she became a loyal customer. Now, how can I use this when sharing my faith. Don't get the wrong idea though, I'm not talking about selling Christianity to someone. If someone is interested, but obviously lost, and too shy, too unsure or has too many misgivings to come and ask questions, then we need to go up to them and talk to them, try to answer their questions, explain everything as well as we can and make them feel welcome, otherwise they'll just leave and probably never show any interest again. Another thing that we learned during ili-training was to have that "little something more", that something more that, hopefully, other fast-food restaurants don't have. Things like giving everyone individual service, not greeting everyone exactly the same way, smiling, keeping eye contact and offering to help someone if they need it. Again, I don't want to sell Christianity, but people should be able to tell that we're Christians without being told. They should be able to tell because we have that "little something more". I found a few examples of how we should live in Ephesians 4 and 5:

Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you.

Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes - these are not for you.

Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days.

Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill and control you.

Christianity shouldn't be something that we practise in our free time, it's something that should control our whole life and change our life-style. Us being Christians should make a difference to the people around us. Otherwise, if we behave just the same as everyone else, how can we say that our faith is the real thing? If it doesn't change our life, the way we think, the way we behave, then it isn't real.

27 September
Argh! I'm seriously considering never watching a romantic movie again... Ok, maybe not seriously, but I reallly started to annoy myself...again... It was one of those that makes you (or at least me) gaze off into space, dreamily wondering who might be the right one, and of course most of it was filmed in Italy and I thought Oh, I want to go there on my honeymoon, and I don't even know wether I'm ever even going to marry!! I guess most people just crave having that kind of relationship, but why... I think that most of us women just want someone to hold us, to kiss us, someone who makes us feel special. These things aren't necessarily bad, but they're selfish. It's all about how we feel, what we want. And a relationship that's based on this kind of selfishness will have a lot of trouble enduring in the long run. Maybe that's why so many marriages end up in divorce. Because we've stopped caring about the other person and just think about ourselves. Maybe that's also why, in our society, most of us are so shy about sharing our faith. Instead of thinking about the others and what might happen to them if we don't speak up, we worry about embarrassing ourselves, about getting hurt or rejected, about getting shut out, about ourselves... If I really loved my neighbor more than myself, then I would have no qualms about sharing my faith, because then I'd be worried about that person's soul, not my reputation. Dear Lord, why is it so hard?? I feel like I can't talk about You to unbelievers, when all it would take would be for me to just open my mouth and talk. Take away my qualms Jesus, make me more like You and show me how to love my neighbors more than myself.

Romans 13:9-10

28 September
I opened up my Bible just now, and my eyes fell upon Psalm 29. The voice of the Lord echoes above the sea. The God of glory thunders. The Lord thunders over the mighty sea. The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is full of majesty. We tend to think of God as kind, loving, almost "sweet". The old grandpa figure with the long white beard. Can someone like that be taken seriously? No. And I think this is a problem in todays christian society. When we think of God, we often think of a tolerant, forgiving daddy. This isn't wrong, but it isn't completely right either. We tend to forget how powerful God is. If we met God face to face, we would be terrified! God isn't a sweet grandpa figure, He is God! He created the earth just by speaking! Can you imagine?! God is all-knowing, almighty and awesome! The voice of the Lord strikes with lightning bolts. The voice of the Lord makes the desert quake. When we do something wrong, we shouldn't think Oh, God will forgive me, we should be trembling with fear! God is strong, God is powerful, God is mighty...and God is merciful, otherwise we could never stand in His presence. So... Give honor to the Lord, you angels; give honor to the Lord for his glory and strength. Give honor to the Lord for the glory of his name. Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness.

29 September
Today at work I almost lost my temper... It was my job to control the lobby, that means emptying garbages that are full, refilling the serviettes and straws, cleaning the tables, making sure the bathrooms are clean, etc. When I was done one of the shift supervisors went to look, and when he came back he told me that it wasn't good yet. He said that I hadn't cleaned the high chairs and that the floors in the bathrooms needed to be mopped. I hate being told that something I did wasn't good. Anyway, I did as I was told, but even though you might not have been able to tell just by looking at me, inside I was furious. I felt that I had been personally attacked. Then, (quite a bit later...,) I realized that he had just been doing what he had to. It's his job too see that everyone else does a good job, and I hadn't done mine very well, so he had every right to tell me off. And he actually didn't even tell me off, he just told me what I still needed to do. Sometimes it helps to see things through the other person's view. Very often when someone hurts us, it isn't intentional, and if we'd think about it a little bit we'd probably realize that. Sometimes we tend to be too sensitive and let our feelings get hurt over trivial things. One of our pastors once said that other people don't make us angry, we allow ourselves to get angry. It's a choice we make when we get mad. And with God's help we can control our anger and see things in the right perspective.

Proverbs 20:3

30 September
Today I was tested about not losing my temper...and failed miserably... We went to the Europapark with our youth group today. (It's a big theme park in Germany.) It started just fine, though we were split into two groups which was a bit ashame. (I was with four really fun women though... :-)) Then two of them started discussing politics... I hate talking about politics. The Iraq war broke out when I was in secondary school, and we discussed it a lot, inside and outside of class. It wasn't easy being the only American in that class... Those three years made me allergic to talking about the war in Iraq. Then I started Gymnasium where almost everyone had different views than I. Now I try to avoid talking about politics whenever I can. (By the way, I'm reading a book a friend of mine loaned me, named In The Shadow Of The Almighty. It's about the life and death of a passionate young missionary named Jim Elliot, and one thing that's mentioned is that he believed that a desciple of Jesus shouldn't get involved in war or politics.) Anyway, there now were two very stubborn young women, one from the right wing, one from the left wing, arguing about politics. Yay! So I went to get some food and sat several benches away from them so I wouldn't have to listen to them. That wasn't right of me. A couple of other things happened afterwards that made me even edgier, until I got to the point where I went to God for help. And guess what, after that it was wonderful! I still have a great deal to learn. I acted very immature and even rude. Dear Lord, please teach me how to control my temper! But please teach me slowly and don't make the tests too hard...

2. Timothy 2:14-26

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